inbox for saltburnt

[kobes]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK



USERNAME:
koby



text ❖ audio ❖ video

Comments

[kobes]

It's not EXACTLY the same. It's scary, the first time. I mean
I was pretty drunk the first-first time, but the first sober time was a little scary.
It helps to have someone who's kind, which I did, both times.
I'll get there! I have a lot of books!

Would you like me to ask him? Or just go ahead and introduce you?

No, not mean, just
You like giving control. I think it makes you feel safe. It's not bad.

[holyposition]

Yeah, it is. We were both nervous, he was really clumsy. It took so long to get ready that I was sure my roommate was gonna come back. I was in a dormitory, in college. He would NOT have kept it a secret if he knew.
We both cried after. Not because it hurt. We were going to Hell, we thought.

no don't! I talked to him once and put my foot in my mouth.

You're not wrong, I guess. Most of the time. It's hard to feel safe like that with someone you barely know. Other times I just don't
want the pressure, of having to choose? it's hard to explain.

[kobes]

You had a ROOMMATE, even? That's very daring. [He's?? Actually so proud of you, Tim, wow, good job.]
You don't still think that, right? That you're going to Hell?

I can be very normal about it! I can say "this is my friend Tim who is very normal, just like me."

No, that makes sense. You have a hard time turning your mind off. [Pot, kettle.] Sometimes you don't WANT to think about every possibility and make sure you've prepared for it. You want to just
Lose yourself, a little.

[holyposition]

It's complicated. I don't know.

Yeah, do exactly that, that'll work. 😛

Something like that. I have trouble with only losing myself a little, though.

[kobes]

Oh.
I'm sorry, I know it's complicated. We don't need to talk about it, unless you want to.

It could! You don't know until you try. The worst thing that'll happen is he'll think I'M weird, and I can live with that.

Is that a bad thing, sometimes? We're not going anywhere, it might be okay to get lost every once in a while. Especially if it helps with everything else.

[holyposition]

I just dont know. I thought it was why I was here. But this place encourages it. They don't care if it's a man, or you're not married, or you're in love or not. That's not what I was taught. Those were all sins.
I told myself it was okay with Hawk because I loved him but what about the rest?

It can be. I get so lost in it that I can't see reason.

[kobes]

Those don't seem like very logical rules. What if you don't love them until after? Or you love them, but it's in a different way? Or you're married to someone but you DON'T love them?

Then maybe doing it with someone you feel safe with is best. There are things I don't think I could do unless I really, really trusted the person.

[holyposition]

That's what makes it confusing. I don't feel bad about what I've done with you and Quentin. But I don't love you. At least not like that.

I just don't know. It's hard.

That's what I've done. Except for when the food gets drugged.

[kobes]

Good. I don't either. I mean
I liked it? I liked it. In case you were worried, I don't regret it. But I don't love you in quite the same way either.

It is. And you're hard on yourself.

Except for when the food gets drugged. I WILL say Erik had fantastic manners. And he's very
Substantial. If that matters to you.

[holyposition]

I don't regret it either. I thought I might, the first time. But it didn't feel bad afterwards.

That isn't...the MOST important. But it doesn't hurt.
Well
Unless you're impatient

[kobes]

Good. I mean
You deserve that. To not feel bad about it.

Well, obviously. I've gotten THAT MUCH via osmosis. You can be too impatient in my circumstances too, but it's
Different.

[holyposition]

It's not about deserve.

You could try it for yourself if you wanted to know the difference.

[kobes]

It is to me. There has to be SOME justice in the world or I'll lose my mind.

Oh.
It's so much quicker the other way I hadn't
Really considered that.

I mean, not as the one um
Receiving.
Giving is a different story.

[holyposition]

I don't think that really applies here.

I don't know if you would get much out of it with your anatomy.

Giving....how?

[kobes]

Because I'm already losing my mind? You're not wrong.

Ohhhh, right, right, on account of
Yes. Yeah. Well.

There's some um
Equipment, down in Otherworld. Toys and things. You've seen those, right?

[holyposition]

[ Because justice is relative, because it's decided in the end by God, because His thoughts on Tim's actions matter more than Koby’s - but he's not interested in justifying his own sense of guilt right now, so sure. ]

Might be worth it just to know. Research.

So you would use a fake penis.

[kobes]

[Koby has the sinking suspicion that it's a god-related reason, but he lets it go, for now.]

Right, right, research. A complete understanding is important. Knowledge.

Well, yes, I'd need to. You don't need to sound so clinical.

[holyposition]

And you...wear it?

[kobes]

There are harnesses, yes. Fairly straightforward.
It's a little weird, to start, but I think I'll get the hang of it.

[holyposition]

Do you like it?

[kobes]

I haven't had a chance to use it YET, but
Yeah. I like how it feels.

[holyposition]

Not even with Quentin?

[kobes]

I'm working up to it. Hence the research.

But we've talked about it, so.

[holyposition]

You might want to research anal sex before edging.

[kobes]

Yes, okay you have a point there. I'll figure it out.