au inbox; crimeboy jakob alvida

[kobes]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK



USERNAME: kboy88



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Comments

[dead_tongue]

if they didn't, they wouldn't be here.

having a hard time pitching your bullshit, sweetie?

[kobes]

hmmm. good to know.

yeah cause its a fundamentally unsound proposal. nobody wants to do business with her and she knows it, so she sends me to try and get it done instead 🙄🙄🙄

[dead_tongue]

unless they're staff, they're loaded. even the ugly ones.

that's the funniest strategy i've ever heard: send a twink to sell it. what is this, boyscout cookies?

[kobes]

tell me one ugly one here, igs, theyre all goddamn models and athletes.

i can be very convincing when i wanna be 😏😏😏 made more business deals than she has, anyway.

[dead_tongue]

ok not ugly. average.

you guys suck so bad lol

[kobes]

yeah still no except maybe the stable guys
but they have horse riding ass so it doesnt matter!!!

bitch i know i am prayinggggg for the downfall of the empire except i'll go down with it lmfao

[dead_tongue]

I dunno I've seen some pretty middle of the road guys wandering around. maybe my standards are just higher.

don't worry, sweetie, you can coast on your looks until you're 25.

[kobes]

yeah well you can afford it, im a trashy bitch and my standards are sentient and breathing

hopefully by then ill have trophy twink babytrapped some old guy and can live my sunset years in peace

[dead_tongue]

exactly.

this is a good place to find one. all you need to do is watch and see which ones are deluding themselves into thinking they're loved. they'll put up with anything.

[kobes]

well, there are a few of those running around. seems like saltburnt is the place marriages go to die.

[dead_tongue]

then you know what to do.

love is a lie, Koby. never forget that.

[kobes]

yeah, i know. thanks.





one more question: do you know a good hrt hook-up in like
switzerland?

[dead_tongue]

switzerland? yeah, actually, I could hook you up. going on the run?

[kobes]

not yet. but i like having a plan or five, just in case.

[dead_tongue]

try not to fuck up so bad here you gotta bolt. 😘

[kobes]

that's the plan, slut 😘

[if he fucks up that bad, he won't need to bolt -- he'll be at the bottom of sydney harbor because alvida can and will make him disappear.

but he's not thinking about that right now.]

[dead_tongue]

that's queen slut to you. i have a crown.

[kobes]

they call those cock rings, baby 😘

[nishtha]

Good. The Warhol was a poor reproduction.

Will you be going to this American party tonight?

[kobes]

yeah she got pissy at the guy who made it 🙄 sucks to be him

thinking about it
the not-president guy's footing the bill for my outfit so why not
you?

[nishtha]

Please, I can't miss the chance to see the Presidential asshole. I have a bet with Parisa that he bleaches it.

[kobes]

sweetie i know in my heart you're right but that man is a stone cold top nobody's getting near his asshole 😔😔😔

[nishtha]

I can only hope. 🙏

It will be fun, anyway. And now I want to see your outfit.

@q

[longitudinal]

You left your underwear in the bathroom.
They’re cute, but not my size.

[kobes]

bold accusations from an olympian

how do you know? did you try them on?