kobes | inbox for saltburnt

Well, still. It doesn't come intuitively, I find. Right, right. Give me a moment. [a pause, then:] Found them. They're both calm, talking. At the piano bar, like they said. Oh, Tim. It could be, maybe. Sometimes it is.

He was fine with Aemond, and that was a disaster.

Not that Harry's anything like that.

This is getting really intense, really quickly.

But there were other factors, then -- Alicent, the rest of the Targaryens. And with Quentin, too -- the way you and him met, the tensions during Werewolf, all of it. Harry's come at a very peaceful time, and he's alone from his world, thus far. I know. I can feel it. I can feel you're happy, Tim, like you haven't been in a while. Maybe Hawk just wants to be happy WITH you, this time?

Yeah. I am. But I know this place. It could go up in flames at any moment.

Maybe. I mean, I think he does. It's just weird. I'm used to him looking for a reason not to like people I'm with. Them getting along sounds too good to be true.

You aren't wrong about that. Still, it's a nice change to only worry about the external forces, rather than internal, right? You know him better than me, but He's been making an effort. Maybe this is just the logical conclusion of that? Either way, I'll watch them closely and send Lincoln in to bite ankles if they start arguing.

I would rather not have to worry at all.

I don't think trying to be better to me means that he has to be okay with this. I don't even know if I'm okay with this. It's confusing.

But then what would we do with our free time? I think everyone can tell you care about Harry. That goes a long way. He's lovely in his own right, but the people who love you are going to be warmer to him because you care for him. Which part? How fast it moved, or the way you feel?

Anything else?

That's not really how it works with Hawk. He likes to make his own judgments.

Umm
Both, I think.

We could take up tennis, maybe. I see. Well, maybe thats what he's doing now. He doesn't feel particularly aggressive, though, so there's that. How DOES it make you feel?

Hawk's been teaching me a little, when the weather's good. But he keeps getting distracted by the shorts.

It makes me feel optimistic and afraid at the same time. His devotion is overwhelming. In a good way, he makes me feel so adored and validated - in a way that matters, not pointless platitudes. I think if I asked him to jump, he would ask how high. He deserves someone who can give him everything, and I want to be that person, but I don't see how that's possible. I've tried and it always goes wrong.

Ah, the shorts. Yes. I recall that from one of the festivals. They're a little short for me, but I think you and Hawk could pull them off. Has he asked you to give him everything? Or does he seem happy just being with you?

Of course he hasn't asked. I don't think he would ever do that, even if he were the only one.

No, he doesn't really seem like the type to want to impose. You could ask him. What he's hoping for, with you.

I know exactly what he'll say. He'll tell me that my presence alone is more than he could have ever hoped for and he wouldn't dare be greedy enough to ask for anything more.

Most likely, yes. It could be true, you know. Is it so impossible that more than one person can believe that about you?

I believe him. It's not that. It's that I want to give him more than that without hurting Hawk and I don't know how.

Ahhhhhh. I see. It's not simple. I wish I could say it was, but its not, even in my situation.

Quentin gets jealous?

No, not him. Me.

You do?

Sorry. I just thought you sailors were so laid back about everything.

Of who?

Sometimes, yes. I try to focus on what I have now, but sometimes I think too much. I compare myself. Usually I end up lacking, somehow. I could be stronger or braver or more confident. I could give everyone I love everything they need, but That's not realistic.

You know Quentin doesnt think you lacking in anything, don't you?

I do. And I trust that. But I wish I were better, still. It's not quite the same thing, but Having relationships is inherently complicated, is what I mean.

Better at what?

You're right about that. It doesn't feel complicated with Harry, though. When I'm with him, before I think about any broader context.

Everything. I could be better at everything. Good. That's what makes it worth it, when the good parts outweigh that part of your mind that just wants to figure out how everything's going to fail. It doesn't make it go away, but It does make it worth it. I promise.

(no subject)

holyposition - 2025-05-05 02:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

kobes - 2025-05-05 02:54 (UTC) - Expand